Holding Back

Last night, my husband and I had an interesting conversation. We talked about a number of things, but the portion that sticks out in my mind was about my writing. The discussion revolved around my initial excitement about a project and where I'm at now with that same project. This topic is not entirely new for me, but it's continuing to bog me down. I find it easy to push my personal goals to the side in favor of other things. Sometimes these things are important, such as the items on my "to do list" or time spent with my kids and husband. At other times, not so much. Am I uncommited, lazy, or uninspired? Am I afraid, nervous, or overwhelmed? Maybe it's the subject matter? Maybe it's the constant interruptions from kids? To set the record straight, I am not uncommited, lazy, or uninspired... but maybe a little bit of everything else. The truth is that what I have started to write sometimes treads on very personal ground. I have a hard time trying to decide how much is too much. How much of myself do I pour into my writing? What happens when people who know me see my personal struggles through the fiction? How do those people react? Should I care what their reactions are? Do I let all these feelings hold me back? Do I ignore them? Do I use them to deepen my writing? All of these questions have also impacted my indecision regarding long term writing goals. Today I have let all these thoughts run through the fun house of my mind. I have attempted to answer some of my own questions and left others untouched. I keep coming back to the fact that there was a reason I began this process in the first place. Something that drew me to begin writing again. That thought is what I'm going to remember when these questions come up again. Thankfully, I have my wonderful supportive husband to remind me when I forget.

All of these thoughts have placed a song in my head. A couple of lines in the song seem to jump out at me, so I am ending today's blog with those lyrics...

Where is your heart at?

Nobody knows that...

(Meet The Robinsons soundtrack, Jamie Cullum, Where Is Your Heart At?)